I had another post planned for today, but with less than three weeks until I leave home for good on my next foreign adventure (and I haven’t even told you where I’m going yet, how rude!), I found myself feeling more introspective than usual so I decided to write about how I’m feeling rather than a post I feel like I “should” write.
I’m feeling apprehensive about this upcoming departure, much like the last time I left home to travel long-term, the main difference being that last time I didn’t acknowledge or discuss these feelings, even with those closest to me.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve had so many opportunities in the last 5 months to catch up with family that I haven’t seen in years, only to realize that I’ve missed out on so much of their lives. They’ve had children I had never met until now who have already grown into rambunctious toddlers, and the cousins I used to call “little” have all long-since surpassed me in height and look and act like the young adults they’ve become. Maybe it’s because every time I leave, my relationships with my family change in ways that seem insignificant at the time, but when compounded over many years, create issues and that none of us ever see coming and that I’d like more time to try to reconcile. Maybe it’s because as I sit here typing, my lap is occupied by Ollie, the new love-hungry family kitten, one of two cats we’ve recently adopted from the local Humane Society that I’ve already grown to love immeasurably.
Many travelers like to write about the difficulties of returning home from long-term travel, and I relate and agree wholeheartedly with those sentiments. It is hard to come home when your life has been so drastically changed, your way of thinking and viewing the world challenged and expanded, and your priorities shifted toward the experiential and away from the material.
And it only seems reasonable that the departure, the beginning of a grand adventure, would be full of joy, anticipation, and excitement. My impending departure brings with it all of these things, to be sure, but not in their pure, unadulterated forms.
Intermingled with all of the aforementioned warm-and-fuzzies, there are also large doses of frantic planning and organizing, anticipation of painful goodbyes, uncertainty about the future, guilt about the things I wanted to accomplish while at home but didn’t, guilt about not knowing when I’ll be around again to accomplish them or if I’ll ever accomplish them at all, and regret about all the things I’m going to miss out on this time.
Yes, coming home from a long journey is hard–but leaving is hard too.
Sometimes it feels crazy, selfish, and irresponsible, pursuing a lifestyle that revolves around travel. Maybe those feelings will never go away.
But when I consider the alternative, staying put exactly where I am, I’m immediately reminded that the strife I’m experiencing now will very soon be worth it. I know that despite the apprehensions and doubts, leaving home to chase my dreams around the world is still the right decision, the one that will make me happiest in the long run and leave me with the fewest regrets.
So in the coming weeks, I will celebrate. I will be excited, joyous, and overflowing with anticipation for what’s to come. I will be grateful for the opportunity to pursue my dreams unimpeded, knowing my friends and family support me 100%.
But leaving is not easy. It’s not easy for me or any other traveler.
We all make sacrifices when we travel long-term whether we talk about it openly or not. It’s just that, as with anything else in life that’s worth doing, the rewards outweigh the cost.
