By far, the greatest gift I have been afforded as a result of starting this blog has been the opportunity to connect with like-minded people all over the world, from a wide variety of backgrounds and with an even wider variety of experiences to share.
And when someone connects so deeply with an experience of mine that they feel compelled to share theirs in return, my heart fills to near bursting–in these moments, I feel like I’m doing something right.
A few months ago, I shared with you my feelings on this nomadic lifestyle I’ve chosen for myself when I came to the startling realization that I can’t live this way forever–at least, not if I want to find happiness. If you happened to see the comment section of that post, you’ll know that I’m hardly alone in feeling this way.
The single most important thing I lamented was the fact that my lifestyle has kept me from forming a community, which I believe to be a key element to my emotional well-being (read: happiness).
But my nomadic lifestyle has only lasted a couple of years. While it’s certainly true that even before moving abroad more people came and went in my life than came and stayed, it wasn’t until I began traveling full-time that I felt my community all but disintegrated.
So what happens, then, if you’ve been nomadic your entire life? As one reader explains in this heartfelt account of her transient lifestyle (that began even before she was born), the consequences can be even more severe.
Hi Leah,
I have just read your blog post on “Why The Nomadic Lifestyle Can’t Last.”
My name is Eva Maria, I’m 30 years old, born in Denmark and raised in … and that’s where it gets complicated.
Shortly before my birth, my parents moved from Kuwait to Denmark. When I was 6 months old they moved to Norway, from there to China for three and a half years, then to Thailand for a year and a half. And then at the age of 7½ we moved back to Denmark, as they thought it would be best for me to attend a Danish school – despite not knowing what “Danish” was.
My perception of Danishness was from movies made in the 40’s and 50’s. So it was a little hard for me to blend in. Then in the middle of third grade (I was 10) we moved to Thailand again for a year. When we returned home in the middle of 1996 I was 11 years old and I then stayed in Denmark until I was 17.
During all my time in school I was bullied; I didn’t have the required social skills to navigate this obstacle course called “school.” When people asked me about my past, they could not relate and often accused me of lying. And I couldn’t relate to their “boring” stories.
Instead of attending a normal Danish high school, I decided to enroll in the IB-programme as I would there be surrounded by other weird kids, but there I was not always quite “exotic” enough. After the first of three years in high school, I joined a high school exchange program (AFS) and moved to China for 1 year at the age of 17. I then came home and finished the remaining two years of high school with decent class mates.
In 2005, I started uni, studying Chinese; this entailed one semester in Beijing from 2006-2007 and an Erasmus-exchange (EU-sanctioned intra-European exchange programme) to Spain for a semester from 2008-2009. And then when I did my Master’s from 2010-2013 I did yet another year abroad in Chongqing, China as an intern.
But in between those two last trips abroad something monumental happened to me – my mother died at 54 years old due to ALS (yes, the one with the ice bucket challenge. I believe it’s called Lou-Gehrig’s Disease in the US).
From the time I could contemplate my future, I had always envisioned myself having the same life as my parents – being an expat. Living a few years here, then a few years there all over the world.
But what my nomadic lifestyle had not equipped me for was losing my only constant friend, my mother. Through all of my life she was the only one who had always been there for me, she hadn’t judged me, she hadn’t seen me as weird, she had just loved me. But now I was all alone. And suddenly I could see that this was not what I wanted – I had to learn to make friends. That is not easy when you are 24 years old and weird to boot.
Shortly before my mother got really ill I had started coming into a sub-culture who are very accepting of all kinds of people, and here I met wonderful people who have now become my friends. And I wouldn’t have come back to “life” without these friends.
So I really don’t know why I decided to go abroad for another year from 2010-2011. Well, I do – I wanted some job experience, I was devastated by the loss of my mother and the betrayal of trust of my then boyfriend, I wanted to improve my Chinese, and maybe I wanted to test my theory. But despite the year being very rewarding professionally, it was horrible personally. But I did come to the very firm decision that I do not want to be an expat.
I met a very nice Australian woman who was the local boss of one of the international hotel chains. She was 40-50 years old, single and without children. No man wanted to travel around the world following her job, so no children. She had a VERY successful career, but other areas of her life were very empty.
You meet friends and have them in your vicinity for maybe a year or three, but then they (or you) are transferred to another position, and then you have to make new friends. You can of course still call the previous set of friends, but when the world sucks and you just need a hug, Skype just isn’t enough.
Even though I could have a very interesting international career I don’t want to be an island only occasionally visited by friends and love. So I am now living in Copenhagen (the Danish capital), about 45km (28 miles) from where I was born and for the first time I feel like I belong. I live in my own apartment, I have sprouted roots, and I love it.
I still travel when I can afford it–2003 – 4 weeks in the Philippines; 2004 – 6 weeks in China; 2005 – 10 weeks in Australia; 2006 – 7 weeks in Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam; 2007 – sailing 7 weeks in the South Pacific [Fiji, Tuvalu, Kiribati, Marshall Islands]; 2008 – 7 weeks overland from Turkey through Syria and Jordan to Egypt; 2010 – 5 weeks in Singapore and Java; 2011 – overland for 4 weeks from China through Tibet to Nepal; 2012 – 2 weeks in Washington, DC; and in 7 days time I’ll be leaving for India where I’ll be travelling for 6 weeks.
I love to travel, but I travel out from a base. I have a home and friends and I never want to let that go. For so many years, friends were the Holy Grail which I was searching for, so now that I have it, why would I?
I don’t quite know why I wrote you, but I think I just wanted to share my story with someone who had had similar thoughts.
Best,
Eva Maria
Eva Maria Hein is currently traveling in India; she documents her adventures on TravelPod under the username EvaMaria85. Be sure to check her out if you enjoyed reading this post. Many, many thanks to her for sharing her story and lessons, and for allowing me to republish her words here.
