I used to think that the reason I was constantly compelled to move from one place to the next was that I thrived on change. I thought I just got bored too easily and the only way to deal with this was to constantly throw myself into new and unfamiliar situations.
And perhaps, for a few years at least, that may have been true. But more recently, after immense personal growth and as I’ve grown to know myself better and better, I see that it’s no longer the case.
Change is a wonderful and very necessary part of life. Change is exhilarating.
But the reality of the matter is, change scares me just as much as the next person. Sometimes, I even downright hate it.
In my day-to-day dealings, I’m a true creature of habit. When I’m in one place for long enough, I create rituals that become necessary to the point where my day doesn’t feel complete without them. I find things I love and become fiercely loyal to them–restaurants, coffee shops, or bars; running routes, yoga studios, or local markets.
I still appreciate change for the growth it encourages, but these days it must come balanced with routine.
Perhaps what was really going on in my days of feverish change was the fear of becoming too comfortable. In my mind, comfort meant stagnation; comfort was not conducive to growth. Comfort was the opposite of everything I stood for.
My life at home is comfortable in the physical sense–unlike when I’m traveling, I don’t have to work hard to fulfill my basic needs. Everything is right here or easy to obtain. But what I never realized is that my life of constant travel was comfortable for me in a different way; perhaps because it absolved me from the responsibility of making decisions. It also relieved me of sacrificing my own desires for other people, because I never allowed anyone to get too close.
What I understand now is that I’ll always feel comfortable with some part of my existence, whether it’s a detachment from relationships and responsibility or it’s the physical comfort of sleeping in the same bed each night, speaking the same language as everyone I encounter, and not having to mentally convert currencies every time I make a purchase. But being comfortable in one sense does not mean I can’t stretch my comfort zone in other ways to continue to learn and grown and change, regardless of my circumstances.
All this is to say that long-term travel and the growth that comes with it have been good to me, and I certainly wouldn’t be who I am without it, but it’s time for something new. It’s time to give up the comfort of having no one to answer to but myself in favor of a life built around a place to call home and people to rely on (and finally allowing others to rely on me).
While I have no intention of giving up travel, I’m ready to make this transition. I’m ready to begin a more balanced life, still full of adventure and change, but providing me with more of the comforts I’m seeking as I get older.
As many of you probably already know, my heart is pulling me in the direction of Europe. My goal pretty much since touching down in Barcelona back in April has been to stay somewhere on the continent to begin building a home base, all while having the ability to continue to travel and explore.
So, Leah, get to the point already, what’s coming next??
In less than two weeks, I’m flying to Stockholm, Sweden.
I know, you probably weren’t expecting that!
But let’s back up for a second.
This summer–wait, no–this year, a lot of crazy things happened. My life took a lot of unexpected twists and turns, I suffered a number of bumps and bruises (to the ego, that is), and I hardly knew up from down most of the time.
I mean, Colombia to Washington to Spain to Greece to Sweden to Thailand and back to Washington? I’ve literally circumnavigated the globe this year. Talk about hectic!
And my decision to fly to Thailand in the first place was rather sporadic, and it was all because I was craving some direction in my life. But it just so happened that that particular decision was in direct conflict with the direction I secretly wanted my life to take: making a home in Europe.
The decision to return to Stockholm was not made lightly. Europe has so many incredible cities, and each one I visited this summer seemed to be pulling me back to it. But Sweden is what makes the most sense right now, and I hope you guys can bear with me for the time being; once I’m actually there, I’ll have more details to share with you as I begin to get settled and have a clearer vision of how things are going to work.
For those of you that don’t know, living in Europe as an American can be quite tricky. We’re only allowed to spend three out of every six months within the Schengen Area, which includes Sweden. There are loopholes, of course, and in some countries (like Sweden) it’s purportedly rather easy to get an extension on a tourist visa, but that’s far from certain. So, while at this point in time I can’t say I’ll be in Sweden indefinitely, I’m going to see how it goes and take it day by day.
The plan for now is to take advantage of my full 90-day allowance, maybe with a few side trips here and there, but always coming back to Stockholm as my base. I’m unbelievably excited, and I can’t wait to get over there and expand on the exploring I did earlier this year.
So, as 2015 comes to a close, I’ll be transitioning from solo traveler to expat, trading my suitcase for closet space and delving deep into Swedish culture (Helloooo fika!) rather than skimming the surface of many. I’m investing time in learning the language (Jag heter Leah och jag tycker om glass!) and teaching myself how to pack for winter (that part’s not going so well…but stay tuned for what’s sure to be a hilarious packing post).
No matter what happens it’s bound to be exciting and I hope, as always, you’ll come along for the ride.
The end of the year always seems to be a time of transition. Are there any big transitions happening in your life? Tell me about them in the comments!
Featured image by Lightworks360 Photography
